Saturday, August 12, 2006

dragon look familiar?

Read more about what we did back in the 1980's. oh the stories i could tell could fill a book. :) You can read more HERE

Friday, August 11, 2006

Time out

i think i'm gonna need a good time-out from doing all this transcribing. not that it gets harder to do, it just the more i try reading script that was written by a man goosed out of his mind on meth. c'mON. anyway, the posts are just that. posts of pages in my diaries. connotations are marked by three > symbols.

Februrary 11, 1989

"fading away"
double hip triph hop
new music
friday AM

been up for two days, almost, since thursday, 10+. Pd, $1854 from gallagher - 25R, 125 16thmade a 92, yes. i lost 92, to my knowledgeand best recollection i started with a

September 17, 1988

there's no need for history here. it seems the future is history.

i am still high from i dont know when. the mind can and will play funny sort of things and skew the perspective so, it's hard to handle at times. i think i'm even higher than a week ago in terms of emotional. sometimes compare it to a faucet -- one that's a little rusty, leaky and about to fall apart.

JC - yes, JC. there are no words for this. Insurance wouldn't matter. A shame. Time will have her way. Almost 0130, but nope. soon. it's not a waste; just difficult. gas doesn't help either there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. it is definitely karma. there are also many angles -- it could go for a little sand paper.

Truth is tha basis for most interactions, if not all. good, bad, is judgmental and should only be considered in context. it should have no problem with this. yeah, oh kaye. there exists within reliaty a stereotype - human if you will.

Difference makes a whole.

we can only be one - at a time. the continuum of space & time is bound bound by the spirit of greavity. there is always a direction. Out, in, up, down, forward, backward, everywhere, no where, like, uh phonenet, plug in and go. connected.

teacher. a sign of truth. brains has what lacks in the heart -- only the heart can be without brains. neither can be reparated without spirit to gain of love is like none other. And love is defined. with in sound and light waves of color are keeping tiome. evolution is a law. (0707.57)

October 13, 1988

on the road to self destruct
no detours
no red lights
in the fast lane
lookin' hot. seeing music, roxy music
singin my life gone.

January 19, 1989

it was a big surprise to run into Jerry. it would take time to evaluate the differences of 3 months.

there seems strikingly similarities, yet a ositive undertone. Yet, there is little abasis for the truth of doubt automatic sensing can do what it should in both darkness and light.

procedure is of upmost importance. a common crossing will make for good judgement. a flow of the three, whom it may be referred to as G O D sets the soul aflame, the brain ecletric, and the body to time.

1. He remembered almost verbatim what i taught him. that's special. there has never been one --

2. application presents a unique opportunity to perpetuate a sense of one force.

3. a comprehensive study of degrees in difference - difference - relatial timing

4. thinking - trying to become aware

5. knowing - being very aware.

6. teaching - be aware

this fell from a oneness in unconditional resource -- an after effect to wish for. (2145.10)

September 18, 1988

what a day. i'm laying in bed, alone, trying to go to sleep.l yeah, oh kaye. it's D-Day, JC and i had a real, kinda, personal talk about issues that concerned our relationship. except, nothing really solid resulted. rather it was like an interview. at 0130, he left. i'm uneasy about this. really.

after pleaqding for favors throughout the day, i would have thought we could have had a good nite's sleep with each other. yeah, oh kaye. this is a distressing matter. what can be done to change the situation? ground rules need to be applied or something that stabilizes this behavioral need.

i'm always hopeful that things will work out. even if the hope is filled with stress and uncertainty. it's bordering on forceful compliance, which cannot happen.

i guess i'd feel better about it all if there was more concerned communications. there is a minute, actually moderate compulsion to play fire with fire. hurt me, and i'll hurt you. but that type of response only snowballs. so then, what is the remedy? diminish the opportunity? yeah, oh kaye. a new approach.

i'd like to believe that once the drugs resolve, things could clear up and be done w/o the x-tra concentration. fingers are crossed. (0456)

July 8, 1989

diggin in teh trash
for a cigarette
Tryin npot to get your
hands dirty
'cause what would
they think -- genie (1617)

Saturday, August 05, 2006

June 8, 1988

Sitting in rm 111 at the o'farrell house. i'm not sure i can write all this down. I don't even know where to start. Probably backwards.

this was when i 'applied' to move into the other house in this

Friday, August 04, 2006

the point being...

that you're left with wanting more.

what is posted here is the transcript of a 5 page paper on my history for drug rehab. after the list of places, there are different posts from different diaries that got posted purely for preservation's sake. be aware that the writing style is different in each of these examples. i like to think of it as akin to dexterity in athleetics.

September 1987


That's September 22, 1987. I was in Cherokee Drug Center, checked myself in sometime in september, probably right after labor day. i'll have to go find the diaries during that time. i think i have one that takes me to getting to iowal from whereever i was (new york?). i need to know how i got to iowa for DT.

It's study hour on ward 16. I just received this journal from Dr. Tate. This is the first one that I've had that doesn't have 20 tables of convesion, a day by day outline of boxes with ruled lines and no look ahead into the coming year. No structure. hmmm. I'm surehe's going to have a look at my little black book on my last day in treatment.

I plan to use this not as a substitute so much, but as an addendum to my talks with staff and other patients; even Dr. Tate. Why whenever there's something that should be noted -- date, time, etc. Titles, profound revelations, although since that usually comes when I'm stoned, I don't want to lose that ability. Anyway, back to reality.

Today went pretty smooth. Yet I'm on restriction for not checking in at 10:30. First time, Last time! The staff this morning did their usual. 'Let's get scrubbed' with me this morning by making sure they're protected from possible contamination. It got a little carried away, but I'm over it. They finally got me in group, but thatnk God it was the last 10 mins. My friendliness with the girls was brought out, I think in hopes of finding the truth. Yea, OK. It never came out. I figure I'm holding it well.

My music is not too bad. STill would like pot to be there, but my loss of continuity ("LOC") has pretty much subsided. What a relief. It was getting heavy there for a while. I'm not sure that I can attribute that to cocainlessness (that's a new word) or not, on lithium, but wehatever, I'm glad it's not as aggressive. I still feel lost once in a while, usually at night. I'm rappin regularly and sleeping; like a baby now. That 2130 second wind still has me pretty much. Some things will never change. My weight is bouncing, more than ever - top is 169.5, and low is 162. Avg is 167. Been eating good - well, as good as I can. The food sucks, snacks are a lifesaver sometimtes, and even their cereal (lucky charmes) is getting boring. I feel like I'm putting too much milk in my system. Will talk to Dorothy soon about it. I"m not heavy with thought - the I could be. But again -- Feel The Force Don't Force it.


Just finished patient planning. I have an appointment with the director of Carroll’s half way house this afternoon. Just research. Larry Johnson was ok, till I mentioned the possibility of the gay program in Minneapolis

MY LIFE – A Story

Yeah, Oh Kay. I was born in Iowa City in 1956. Livewd in Mason City for the next 12 years. Went to parochial school, had one more brother and four sisters before moving to the great land of oz, Manly, Iowa on April Fools Day, 1969.

From the first day, I had trouble with most everyone I came into contact with. The hicktown farmers and the boozin red necks didn’t like the way I walked and talked except when they were horny.

I needed some escape as I got punished and shipped for hiding in the church playing the piano. I started driving my parents car by sneaking out in the middle of the night. That was my answer – get out of town. Be in control behind the wheel.

I somehow started taking other people’s cars and I was bored with my parents’ ’58 Buick. I always needed something new. After about 33 thefts I was busted and sent to an institution. I remember my parents telling the court that they couldn’t take it any more and that they gave up trying to make me a decent boy.

From October 1969 to January 1974, I was bounced from Boy’s Farm School in Durand, Il, to the Boy’s Training School in Eldora, and the Mental Health Institute in Cherokee. All kinds of things were happening. Sex, temper tantrums, running away, psycho somatic illness. I did so much of so many different medications that I swore I’d never touch any of it again.
I was released from Eldora to Marshalltown. The state had forbade me to return to Manly. Fine, I roomed with some Arab and Persian foreign students from Kuwait and Iran and quickly became one of them. I went to court and changed my name to Nehemiah Mahbuballah Mahana, when school was over I was left alone. I ended up working for the only massage parlor in town. I started go go dancing and moved around midwest frequently as my popularity skyrocketed. One of the two male dancers in the upper midwest, and, also the better of the two imho.

I hit my first gay bar in Des Moines, by auditioning as a stripper. It was all so natural even though I didn’t know it was a gay bar until after I got the job. After a few weeks, I went to San Francisco with a fuck buddy. Yeah, ok.

From that point forward, I turned into the only pig. I moved between bathhouses and bars and cities and states almost every day. I somehow landed back in Iowa for drug treatment in Cherokee in May, (Mother’s Day) 1980.

I bucked the system then and was kicked out. Got to Denver with a ride by two hospital employees going on vacation. I worked my drugs until I landed in Orlando for Basic Training in the United States Navy. Having landed in Orlando in full Army fatigues, complete with captain’s bars, on a Friday, Halloween, 1980, I had the whole weekend to demonstrate that I was the faggot of the group.

It was Boot Camp that sobered me up. I became a yeoman, like anybody could compete with me for the job. Had the sweetest job of all. We graduated on New Year’s Eve – surprise there. They let us out for the weekend and we had one big party that lasted all Friday night, all day Saturday, and finally after going to church on Sunday, we reported back for our orders. Mine had me going to PN school in Meridian, MS. After graduating with honors there, I was ordered to sub school in Groton, CT. I graduated there with honors as well and finally got orders for a boat that was in San Diego, so we flew out there after having some time off in New York. A buddy from the philipines who graduted sub school with me, travelled to New York with me and we partied like there was no tomorrow. Stayed in one of those hospice centers for Armed Forces personnel. Read: Cheap.

I ended up sleepwalking one night on board a ship and climbed into bed with one of my shipmates. That was a disaster and resulted in my being discharged from the Navy with an Other Than Honorable (Homosexuality) on my DD214.
I can barely remember getting discharged in Charleston, South Carolina, and what exactly I did immediately following my escort off the base. I think I went to a local friend’s house and pondered my situation there with this fabulous artist who was into drawing orchids. Anyway I left Charleston and got to Atlanta for a flight to Pittsburgh. Before getting discharged from the Navy, I had gone AWOL with another member of the armed forces, Oscar I think his name was. He was in the Army and had gone AWOL when he was to report to some Ft. in Georgia (Ft. Benning I think)

I then went into the City and within a couplae of months teamed up with Manny. Manny Parrish was just a strugling musician who had played with some local bands in the City, not really making himself a star by any means. After I moved into the loft at 400 W. 14th St. (the site of the old Toilet Bar), that’s when everything started to move. The sex, the drugs and disco. I always had a job because my money gave me power. It was my work that kept me sane, but at the same time was enabling me to go insane.

Much of how I perceive things come from the City. It was where I was able to be different and not be outcasted. It was where I was able to develop the type of sexual habits that played a majro role in my deterirating health. It was where I could get as high as I could and feel safe. I was able to totally lose myself and not care.

My life in the City wasn’t all bad. I did a lot of good things; e.g. volunteering work w/PWA’s, good work at clients made some good music, got to know some good people. But I’m sure the bad outweighed the good by a 3-1 margin.

My relationship with Papo sure wasn’t the healthiest thing I had going for me. Actually, it turned tumultuous rea the end.l The fighting, the drugs, his family, my possessiveness were all symptoms of two unhealthy individuals on a one way road to self destruction.

My use of drugs and alcohol becamse totally insane the last six to eight months. There weren’t two days out of a week that I didn’t pass out somewhere. Especially, the last month or so, I really pourd on the self pity and totally went crazy.

So, I’m now near the end of my treatment in Cherokee. I’m real scared. Of life, of death, of AIDS, of relationships, of work, or housing, of food – nothing new, except I can handle it.


My first experience in getting high was circa 1974, at the age of 198. There was this guy, Ted Christie, who was playing the guitar in this piano bar of the hotel I was staying at. He turned me on more than I care to say here, to marijuana. I fimly remember smoking a whole joint and not feeling anything. Then two more. By the time we were getting out of his van, I was so stoned that I only remember seeing colored notes flying from his fingers while they plucked the strings. I thought WOW. That was a long time ago, 819,936,000 time frmaes to be exact.

My use or abuse, of marijuana was constant throughout the rest of my life as an abuse of drugs. Actually, the only time (s) that I can remember being without was while I was in treatment in 1980 and when I was in transit. I guess this should have been listed as my drug of choice, even though cocaine truly was the drug of equal desire.
Pills and gelatins, powders and liquids, campe upon me, if you will, in 1976 when I first went to San Francisco. My first night in the bathhouse, the Barracks, was the first time I ever got fucked up. (I feel there’s a difference in high, buzzed, fucked-up and wasted) I met Pierre and got fisted and dusted, whipped and wasted not long after I arrived. I tried I think, everything he had. It didn’t matter what it was, if it was mood-altering, it had my name on it. This lasted for a while – I don’t know exactly how long – time meant nothing. From that point forward I never said no. Funny thing, tho, I was always wanting more, never being satisfied with the buzz or fucke3d-up feeling. It started as a way of being what everyone else was, only to be better at it. Drugs made me, and still do, one who already was mutli-sensory, super-multi-sensing. I mean, really.

That was where my life settled – drugs, sex and disco. Maximuym intensity ws the only way oif living. Amounts never impressed me. I never felt bigger or better than others by my pigginess. I never bragged about how much, only how big. It usually tied together though, more pills more inches. Not to be funny, this was serious business here. I do believe that my sexuial addiction enabled my chemical addiction, not the other way around.
Rather than tell you some of my periods of my memory, I would just as well let it be known that I blame my life on drugs and what I have done to get them. Who I’ve done to get them, and where I’ve gone to do them.

Some of the chemicals I’ve used are: pot, coke, base, crack, acid, quaaludes, mushrooms, dust, special K, ketamine, tuinol, placidil, BBs, cronies, christal meth, space base, champagne breakfast, and other designer drugs. Aocohol, peyote, mescaline, valium, yellows, hash, and really tere are numerous types and variances to most of these already listed. One word sums it up: pig.

Once in New York, Oct. 31, 1981, my life took a turn, still did drugs, but pretty much limited it to coke & smoke, and, of course, alcohol.l I’d turn down most everything else unless it was a special occasion – a real hairy, dark, hung, puerto rican, then anything goes. My free choice was these three, in variance – 85%95% of the time for the last 3-4 years.

Again, my life holds not too much regrettable in retrospect – they’re unimaginable. But I have lived like no other and for that I am thankful to be able to live and tell you about it.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

The Master List of Locales

following is the master list (?) of many of the locations and memories i have as basis for my book, The Hitchhiker's Guide to Life.
here we go:
Mason City, IA
  • Agnes Reynolds
  • Alice Anderson
  • Mary Rheingans
  • Bike Riding
  • Pennsylvania Bridge
  • South Polk Place
  • South Jefferson St.
    • -the Carpenters
    • -Chris McCoy
    • -Paul Ebbers
    • -Ted Bryant
    • -Brian Doty
  • St. Joseph School
    • Father Schmitz
    • Convent
    • Father McGuire
    • Father Keating
    • Sister Mary Damien
    • Sister Mary Rosario
    • John Lapointe
    • Bruce Geller (who's son lives across the street from me now)
    • Mike Burke
    • Mary Vickers
    • John Donnelly (who i see out at hy-vee every so often)
    • John Argos (and the piano recitals in dubuque)
    • Jim Herzog
    • Jon Julien (who may be doing my dental work soon)
    • Sister Maureen Terese (who left the order and became a state representative, Mary O'Halloran. she also worked to elect ronald reagan during a marshalltown campaign stop luncheon.
  • Grant School
    • basket weaving
    • rug making
    • softball
  • Lincoln School
    • kindergarten
Manly, IA
  • North Central Community School
  • April Fools Day 1969
  • January 20, 1970 > durand boys farm school
  • Mr. Lee
  • Mr. Rosen
  • John Chisolm (who's brother i regularly sucked off in the weirdest places)
  • Ron Kopeke (who i hear is out now and living in texas)
  • Cop (from forest city who let me suck him and his brother off many times in the trailer park behind my parents' house)
  • car borrowing - joy riding w/my pet poodle, Ralph.
  • Sacred Heart
    • Father Carmen (milwaukee motel)
    • organist for mass
    • piano practice in the classrooms
    • collection box thievery
  • Cathy Weitzel
    • 1972 corvette
    • her lover chris
    • pool league
    • wedding to gary
Marshalltown, IA
  • community college
  • tallcorn hotel
  • omid kahkesh - oh dear, he should get a whole chapter to himself
  • go-go dancing - tree collier and the massage parlor - erotic eric
  • hashem abdullah - another brother who traveled with me to manly for thanksgiving in 1974.
  • trailor court
  • bernice johnson
  • kathy thompson (who i last visited in 2001 with my blue car and looked like she was aging beautifully)
    • white bear lake
    • after hours parties
Pittsburgh, PA
  • arline training school
  • club baths
    • plane trips from nyc with manny & nelson
  • nelson galloway (412-422-3249?)
Durand Il
  • school
  • zack (hottie who kept me like a bitch)
  • piano lessons (off grounds)
  • piano in the chapel (was ALWays in there)
  • broke into the cottage parents' apt
Eldora IA
first time - cottage 3
second time - cooper hospital
Wes Etheridge
Maya Blau
Ken Walcott
Cherokee IA
  • first time - childrens' unit
  • transfer to adolescent unit after tantrum
  • second time - CDU (chem depend. unit)
  • third time - CDU (old hospital)
  • last time via new york > des moines
  • left on bus to san francisco 1986 nov.
Storm Lake IA
  • Optimetrist - Dr. Dennis (who found me up in minneapolis homeless and took me in to be boyfriends. that ended up weird, and i spoze i could spend a lot of time talkin about all the experiences i had there, but not right now)
Minneapolis-St. Paul, MN
  • first time - from marshalltown while go-go dancing, with some leader of AIM - american indian movement
  • second time - in white bear lake w/friends of kathy thompson - worked at some bar, ended up leaving for ... ?
Des Moines, IA
  • first time - tree collier (tree's talent agency)
  • renee & becky stonehocker
  • second time (?) in hotel, working at blue cross/blue shield in ruan bldg, got tired of workin the temp scene, and went to the bathroom, decided to screw it all, and left, and an hour later, i was on the road hitchhiking west.
  • third time - working the cab circuit; ending up fallin for some con artist from 'hawaii' and we were going to go back there - ended up in las vegas, he stole a car, and we got caught right before christmas in orange county CA. i was extradicted back, but charges were dropped. wow. that'll take some pot to get out the memories on that. i need a way of marking these so i can come back to remember them.
  • lived in a shelter for a while on one trip coming back to iowa from new york, and was wanting to get into cherokee. so that's mid-spring 1986. i think.
  • lived in YMCA - dont remember much about that at all either; except that there were no hotties.
  • before i went to san francisco, was dancing at the gay bar and omid took me down from marshalltown. that was my coming out if you will. i knew the bartender at the tallcorn kept talkin about taking me to a place "where men danced together" and it was somewhat jilting, but only for a moment. i know i made a lot of trips between marshalltown & des moines with the 2 girls from the massage parlor
New York NY
boy oh boy this is gonna REALLY require some decent pot.
  • first time - hitching from ames to des moines with everything i owned in a 10x10x10 box and a dime in my pocket, enough to make the call in des moines to tree and get the name of the place i was to go dance. where i was coming from, is storm lake i believe. and i could have ended up actually going to des moines and it would have changed the course of history. as it is, i took that last ride in iowa on I-35, only going 35 miles, when the guy was going all the way to scarsdale new york. it took a few minutes, but i decided, and asked kindly, to go along. and that story is a hair-raiser in and of itself. but back to the structure of the task at hand. i got dropped off at 72nd and lexington, and stuffed the box in some bushes behind some 65 story apartment building and headed to the nearest gay bar. if memory serves me right, i didnt have far to go. and i'm sure i got picked up and that basically started my first go-around in the city. i think i was so star-struck that most of those ventures left me numb and without memory.
  • second time - boy, i need some pot before i dive into this one.
  • third time - same thing here.
  • Felix Goacachea (FG management) - deserves a whole chapter to himself.
  • Manny Parrish - boy oh boy, this one deserves a complete separate book. but for now, lemme jus copy down what's on the sheet.
    • 400 west 14th street - our loft. pictures will be posted forewith.
    • Bobby Baum - manny's boyfriend who was a freak and a half. didnt like me too much, but i think that settled on his jealousy more than anything else.
    • studio
    • importe 12 - the first label that signed us.
    • shows - this could be a really hair raising chapter. for now, just the notes on the sheet:
      • Fun House - new years eve
      • Red Parrot - with madonna & grandmaster flash - billboard reviewed the show, and gave us 3 paragraphs, and madonna 3 lines. it was the highlight of my career.
      • ice skating rink in brooklyn - god only knows what this was
      • camden nj - a show we did where i had to blow manny in the van before we went on so he would be ok
      • DJ animal - god i wish i could remember him, cuz i know i got memories of him.
      • studeio 54 - star wars party. the real highlight of my career.
      • studio 54 - fiorucci party - fiorucci was the designer of all the costumes we had
      • sweeny todd's barber shop (183 christopher street)
        • maintenance strike scab
        • st. mark's baths
        • 12 west
        • carolyn kennedy
      • cock ring bar
        • omar
        • julio
      • anvil bar
        • konrad
        • cheech
        • nelson (not that nelson, but they have met)
        • lance wise
        • chico starr
        • pat
        • billy mead
        • early days
        • later days
      • les mouches
        • frank mcgurty
        • carey finkelstein
        • john chambers
        • kitty - tom kinsey
Weehawken/Union City NJ
  • Papo (Luciano Velez) - deserves a whole book.
  • Racli's (2 fulton street) - off the boat italian/landlord
  • hotel on 48th street - again, deserves a whole chapter, or two.
  • bar under papo's house - and i jus came across the number somewhere. i think i got diaries goin back to this era. should be good.
  • friendly's
    • mama
    • ricki
    • card games afterward - mama going around the table and if you had money to gamble, she had coke to put under your nose with her special spoon - going "toot toot"
  • coffee shop on 52nd
  • beat up across from coffee shop (p/u from friendly's)
Chicago, IL
  • first time
    • jose
    • gay day parade '75 (i think)
    • broadway limited
  • second time
    • running from taking pot from tree in des moines
    • cab driver
    • accident prone due to cruising
    • got license in record time (1 day)
    • carol's speakeasy
    • hotel on addison
    • man's country
      • new year's eve - placidil punch+
Washington DC
  • 1300, time for some capitol lawn sex w/army boy from olwein
Charleston, SC
  • navy base
  • pot dealing
  • transfer from boat
  • barracks boys
  • orchid artist (madsen)
Atlanta, GA
  • vacation at the baths
Miami FL
  • first time
    • from des moines snowstorm
    • YMCA
    • waiter at the hotel across the street - which was just recently destroyed.
  • second time
    • houseboy job
    • old cutler road (coral gables)
    • cuban hottie
Ft. Lauderdle, FL
  • first time
  • second time
    • baths
Key West FL
  • in by hitching from miami
  • delmonico's
  • george cadenas
  • "you're on my wavelength"
  • monster
  • guest houses
  • hilton piano player
Meridian MS
  • personnelman school
  • letter from commander to parents
orlando FL
  • navy boat
Daytona Beach FL
  • bike week
  • hitched up with bikers - fucked all day and all night on the beach in their van
  • shacked up in some guy's house for 3 weeks
  • left for nyc?
New Orleans LA
  • first time
    • running from chicago boys
    • took overnight train
  • second time
    • gretna
    • mardi gras
    • DJ
    • gonzo
Memphis TN
  • arrived after gig in little rock
  • worked at buddy's til closing
  • ended up on train back to chicago w/quualude
    • got off the train in carbondale, took the bus... oh wait, did i already tell that story up above under another city headline?
Little Rock AR
  • dj at club i called about from new orleans thru an ad
Phoenix AZ
  • hitched from chicago
  • stuck in kansas city (i think these are two different times - will try and pin down the years)
  • flew in from MCI
  • knew precious metal sculptor from chicago one-night-stand
  • tubin the river
  • valley national bank
  • dancin to from here to eternity in club
  • lived with guy who worked the 800 number i had to use back in iowa
  • fbi tracking me after robbery on vnb
    • knew who i was in bed with!
Iowa City IA
  • taxi dispatcher
  • "car wash" - disco w/fog machine
  • gospel piano player (black kid from KC)
Kansas City MO
  • Coates House Fire
  • American Red Cross
  • billie
  • car towed
  • middle eastern restaurant owner - bartender
  • club baths (frank & ron from omaha)
St. Louis MO
  • coming up from memphis; bus from carbondale il
  • club baths
  • gay day parade
  • drove thru on cornmeet w/voxxers en route to KC
Omaha NE
  • go go dancing in straight bar
  • ak-sar-ben racing w/sugar daddy from des moines
Denver CO
  • ride from cherokee w/cooks
  • DJ at bar; turned country
  • piano player at same bar
  • witch in purple
  • kids from new orleans
  • jerry lipolis
  • david's
  • navy enlistment
  • grant street apartment
  • temping
Las Vegas NV
  • rudy
  • sadji (della reese's son); drag on the strip
  • les jardin bar near airport
  • masseur @ jockey club, hilton & tropicana
  • jail extradition from LA (accessory in auto theft w/kid from des moines > hawaii)
  • hitchhiked out w/rudy & ..... ?
  • hard time starting
  • cold further north
  • 1-80 blizzard in nebraska
  • des moines > tree's > dancers
San Francisco CA
  • first time
  • second time
  • third time
  • bus out from cherokee
  • u.s. mission > dave gilooley
  • pac bell directory job
  • laura gilardi
  • king (crystal dealer/roommate)
  • drugs, drugs and more drugs
  • jail
  • hotels
Los Gatos Hills CA
  • mushrooms w/cute kid (chem student)
Los Angeles CA
  • first time
    • hollywood spa
    • kid w/firebird convertible
    • commuting to palm springs (dave's villa caprice)
  • second time
    • gay &* lesbian community center
    • la cienaga apt w/greek opener for debbie reynolds
  • third time
San Diego CAT
  • first time
    • prostitute becoming roommate
    • navy try-out
    • YMCA
    • played piano and made 'em cry
    • beachcomber
    • arab from morocco
    • chased him to san francisco > finally fucked
  • second time
Palm Springs CA
  • daves villa caprice
  • manager affair
  • worker affair (lil' blonde cutie)
  • piano player at bar/restaurant
  • porn star friend into solar energy
  • flew out to KC

July 19, 2006

i started a new blog today. the Ad Of The Day blog. i felt that since i watch so much tv, it would only serve the public well if i were to pick out the ad i noticed, and liked, each day. something to do each and every day. i shuld see what i can do about getting video input on the mac.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Dancin down the Dance Hall steps

do you believe in cap placement is essential and crucial for translation of the idea?
if yes, check here. if no, Go somewhere else.
did a bowl, and i had that one bowl left from weeks ago so you KNOW, that bowl is gonna be a doozie. and it was. i'm pleasantly high. havnt ben this way in a while. long while. but back to the idea at hand. cap placEment is crucial to the ideal. take that example the "E" was placed just because i felt like it. now, if the caps were different, say, Cap Placement, one would get the idea that it's a person's name, or, the title of something, maybe an essay on spelling.

Paragrpahs are important too. they tell you the time of thigs. usually everyhting within that paragraph generallly wouldn't.... shit i lost it. :)

i need to work on the hitchhikder in weays that i haven't done ina while. i'm watching walk with an angel. i always did like that show. I've always like della reese is the mmother for the kid i lived with out in las vegas back in the 70's. sadji was a drag queen in a show on the strip. the hotel's name, oh wait tropicana or maybe not. but ya, della reese was always a favorite of mine. and today's episode is about homelessness a subject i only know only toooo well. ive had homelessness down pat. survival was like second nature to me. never owned a car. and have lived, AND WORKED (see, the caps again) in at least 50 cities and towns in the united states. all during a 3 year period.. i gotta break. my eyes are starting to play tricks on me.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Summer of Donna Summer

remember Donna Summer? the queen of disco in the 80's? she was one of my most favorite singers during that time. her macarthur park was especially thrilling for me to dance to. she made my job as DJ easier, i'll tell you that. i never was able to meet the woman. i didnt even get to catch any of her shows, but her records were high on my list of hotplays for the clubs i spun in. anyway, the time she was queen coincided with the time i was really hitchhiking throughout the country. her songs kept me going on those long lonely nights on the highways. i remember dancing out on the highway down in georgia to one of her songs. now i can barely remember her discography. the one song, i feel love, was my all time favorite. i remember being in chicago at the club that used to be a railroad car, and listening to her belt out love songs with a beat. her Walk Away album from 1980 must have been the only disc that included every song on a chart of favorite DJ music. everything she touched turnd to gold (in my book). that's what a diva is. pure and simple.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

February 8, 1991

another great day
the post horoscope
was right on mon.
"got called about training
and showtime - nothing
yet - lunch w/training (?)

February 7, 1991

SBC -- another great day
pd NYCT 48.10
rawhide -- no coke bought
dinner w/roy here. he's an asshole.
look at 508

February 6, 1991

swiss bank
tower 6 e 50th
god i love it

pd 15.9 --- over 30 !!!!

hunk -- to think they were offering me a job a month ago. my fuck up. good think s in good time.

i have NOOOO idea what this is about. i'm only copying down what the book says.

February 5, 1991

bank of america
355 mad
10:30 - 17:00
--6-- / 18
god awful

February 4, 1991

link called TC - was sent - cn you believe it?
cancelled so she says.

eikenberry called me back.

February 3 1991

eikenberry & schoolman
90 wall st / 18
WP 4.2 dict.

the irish lad left - immigrationg. met dutch guy next door. kinda cute.
fell asleep while cooking
chicken & rice.
lost $10 ??

i remember falling asleep while i was cooking one time and woke up to the place almost on fire. sure burned the hell outta the pan that was on the hotplate. i wasn't even supposed to be cooking in that hotel room. but i had a refrigerator, a nice big one, and the hotplate and toaster oven was all i needed to make a decent meal.

February 2, 1991

cleaned finally

February 1, 1991

no work -- let T/C
give it to someone else.
they called # 0815A for a
mon spot. yea, right.
"had to fill in 15 min"??

January 31, 1991

link - quit
couldnt take it
anymore - had real
problems w/system
billed --315-- we'll see

out to rawhide --
home w/familiar face

i think i remember link resources and the hell i had to go through to work there. that was my first taste of having to work with people who had just gotten off the boat from india.

January 30, 1991

Ann called: “Warbrary req . you”
starting limit
9:30 – 7:00 – 1.5
pd 607
280 R&P
45 Grocery
10 L/C
34 cokecola
___ 603
borrowed tapes from albert
link is a trip. Milton
too much. Mark isn’t much better. Am I slowing down?
again, what the hell is that all about.

January 29, 1991


Ernst & Young8 / --15.5--
pd acc: $84 +
40P - Albert
20C – 28th
7 Lisa
3 Cig
Dakota – home w/john
Short/went and asked 803 (irish kid – name?) to get high. Cute. Almost. No dinner, no energy.

January 28, 1991

Ernst & Young
19th Flr
9:30 – 5:307.5

January 27, 1991

Woke up early thismorning

– saw Moola C 4:30A – did

coke, got off 3x

slept again at noon

WE WON! 20-19 great game

I have NOOO idea what game I speak of. I’m only copying down what is written in the books. I do remember meeting up with Moola, a big drag queen who was into coke, and me. That I would get off with her, must mean there was some good coke around.

January 26, 1991

finally cleaned up

January 25, 1991

"sadness" by enigma (gregorian chant)

link resources
29 5th ave / 12th flr

8:30p - 12:30a

well, alright

January 24, 1991

last day @ cbg

100 COH

The Computer--
The Gatherer
The Prism
on Q

Saturday, June 10, 2006

January 23, 1991

CBG short day
9:30 - 3:30 -1 = 5

saddam is already half buried
seal the tube shut

--- --- --- --- ---
10 Pierre
32 cable
25 C
9 lunch
2 cigs
15 bar
100 COH

rawhide/the break

January 22, 1991

CBG =- 9:30 - 5:30

10 Pierre

yellow ticket:

called alvaro's number and got a 'not in service' answer.

January 21, 1991

computer buyer guide
150 5th 7th 9-5
leon erlinger
9-5 -5 7.5 (how that works, i dunno)
for the whole week.
not bad - learning
47 w 8th st.
$5p half hour

January 20, 1991

and today too (laying around)

January 19, 1991

laid around all day

January 17, 1991

jordan mcgrath 7.5

out to times square
& trix

29 =- cynthia - 50
brought "one of the brothers' louie home. got crazy.
oh oh.

January 16, 1991

there were some days prior to this day as being no work.

Pd 274
60 P
192 COH
7 L (lunch)
3 tokens

1st bombing in iraq
albert's. - usa network
1230 6h ave. 48/49 20th
gordon beck
17 WP TC
did absolutely nothing.
>>> i remember walking up 8th avenue and hearing about it on the radio.

January 12, 1991

slept all day

63 COH

Janaury 11, 1991

ackey - still no work

40 P - Gary
visited willie -
home - how? forgeot

umbrella again gone.

January 10, 1991

140 COH
my knees hurt

Y&R 4:30 - 12
7.5 / 21

January 9, 1991

PD TC 744

63 Pager
60 Pot
180 rent
7 lunch
10 rawhide
6 ??
58 tel
75 C
80 Dinner
50 C
5 Taxi

took willie to dinner. got C on 17th st, and fucked.

came home via rawhide w/daniel ... mistake. oh well.

pager: 278-8425

dont remember a damn thing here.

January 8, 1991

patricoff --
11:30 - 6:30 (7.0)

on yellow post-it:

daniel macCartney
P.O. Box 713
Putney, VT 05346

i jus called that number and it sounded like it was forwarding to some fax machines.

January 7, 1991

no work

TC called twice and cancelled both times


TC? gah i wish i knew who TC was.

January 6, 1991

ken mcGraw
alan patricof
545 madison
11:30-19:30 (10.5)
24 WP

willie did laundry for me
home # 11 --

DAMMIT i want to know who this willie is.

January 5, 1991

finally home --
cleaned willie's house
don't know where
this is heading, but
it's the AM
cooking steak on 17th

35C bernard
o/n @ willie's

wish i could remember who willie was. and how i was able to take him to 17th. this is not making much sense without some explanation.

Januar 4, 1991


missed deadline for pyaing
phone bill

o/n @ 17th

i wonder where the hell 17th is. i spent enough nights over there. the only thing i can think of is tommy's apartment. but that would entail a whole lot more of explaining than i care to divulge today. but 17th had to be a place where i could spend the night whenever i wanted. and no sex was involved. (i don't believe there was any anyway)

December 3, 1991

spent last nite at
wilfred lee - 300 W 17th
juice -

made it to work
hr late

pd 338 TC
30 Pierre
50 R
10 lunch

heavy lungs
took willie out to dinner
o/n on 17th

i sure wish i could remember this more clearly, but i cant.

Jnauary 2, 1991

jordan magraff
445 park / 7th / 57th
ms word

Pd Q 119 - 7 hrs. owe me
me 1 hr - IRS is garnishing
my check @ 10% -= total (on)
but 744. wHAT @!?@? hopefully
it's from control group


this was a classic Q-round of hitting the bars. i think i was with papo, but ya never know.

January 1, 1991

personal notes on the front page:

david l. schmidt
57 lexington #806
nyc 10010 - 447-7235

slept most of the day
feel bad about last nite
w/jose, not ricki.
traded watch for beeper

jose was this kid right underneath me, who was in the whore hotel (that's what we called the amsterdam hotel). ricki was a friend of the janitors. my relationship with ricki should be drawn rather nicely through these pages. he was a cute kid with a big dick. put that into a man who speaks latin like none other, my heart melts.

December 30, 1986

went out late to
bar (monty) and
got kinda soussed,
upset over the
spanish again and
came home with
attitude - milton
gave 2 weeks notice.

well, once i left the apt, my relationship with papo died along with it. i left 2 weeks later.

December 29, 1986

started working at
4 star - 8-3
papo stayd out o/n

i remember this somewhat. i had left S&C and started waiting tables at the local diner. wuznt all that good of a job, but it allowed me to eat and get paid something.

December 25, 1986

dealing with it
the best i know how
it's starting to be
real - reality.
it's not quite over yet
the salvation army

god only knows what this was about. on christmas day no less. i would have thought good things and photos would have been a nice way of putting my christmas day experience into words.

Decmeber 24, 1986

found out about money (?) (or manny or somthing like that)
went off -
S&C - 339

and on christmas eve. i wish i could remember it more vividly. the tree, the presents. the children. all these details are blanked out in my memories.

December 21, 1986

COH 60

what a trip. only $60 to get me through the week.

December 20, 1986

tony's engagement party
xmas shopping w/norma
and Po - never again

hell of a time getting to
tony's party. found out
he had bad experience
last wednesday when we
went out and he gave me attitude

papo & i went to movie and stanley's.


i can kinda remember this. the party out at tony's wasn't as great as i had hoped, but it was something i had to attend since i financed half of it.

December 15, 1986

loaned papo $70 to pay off the cuban
out to movies - the golden child and out of bounds.

out to rawhide and
overnite at tony's.


boy i wish i could remember this. overnight with tony was one of those things that i couldnt talk about it with ANYbody.

December 13, 1986

problems with the
spanish - real
attitude --

papo cried - thought
i was leaving him.


i kinda rememer this.

December 12, 1986

home sick --
loaned papo 80 to
pay norma

yea, for more coke.

December 11, 1986

home sick

December 10, 1986

got $1000 line at MHT
loanded tony $200 for
his engagement party
out with tony and
marcus. took tony
to rawhide and both
to badlands - went
way out again -
home @ 2am.

i never did see the 200 back. i think my crush overhim died when he never paid me back.

December 9, 1986


this wont go long without being interrupted by some drama somewhere in the house of ricans.

December 8, 1986

back to work --

December 6, 1986

2 3/4 / 3 1/4 . 7.5

i'll gander that those represent the number of hours i workd this last week.nah, i dunno. but ya, i think that's right.

December 5, 1986

home -
took care of racli's check
pd milton $140

i dont remember this at all.

December 4, 1986

home -


December 3, 1986

home -

that's all there is. home. period.
musta not been an eventful day. probably hung over.

December 2, 1986

home - sick
papo has 103 degree
can't cash racli's check

yah, papo was sick from all the coke he did.and of course, i had to claim sick to stay home and take care of him.

December 1, 1986

out w/marcus
C 240 "wraith"
home thru weehawken
$6.50 - stanley

November 29, 1986

still up with
moving to norma's


am very F/U - didn't
sleep last nite in
my house

boy was i ever out of my head doing that post. i kinda remember the day it became apparant that i was going to move into norma's. norma was papo's older sister. she was married and had a bambino. milton was her husband's name, but he was a far cry my MY milton, who's last name was ramos. papo's milton was something else, and i cant remember hopefully i'll have it in one of these diary pages. anyway, the decision to move there was one of finance. i could save money by moving there. and i would have lots of puerto ricans around. but my job at S&C was starting to take a toll on me. i wonder if i'll get outta there before year end. i cant remember.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

November 26, 1986

vyzas appt @ 11a

saw star trek IV out

C run 40C
moulin rouge


i don't rembvmer any of this.

November 21, 1986


told S&C about citi hours -
changed bosses - now Chas Herzer.


i cnat remember this.

Novemer 19, 20, 1986


vyzas postponed to wed @ 11A

vyzas was his lawyer. i cant remembver what his crime was, but it was only a misdemeanor.

November 18, 1986

papo called - "in jail"
went crazy - tried to find paperwrok but couldn't at least he called.

Vyzas appt w/papo -0 moved to thru 3pm

guess what?

November 17, 1986


can't handle this
papo isnt anywhere


see? i'm going through hell the hell i made over papo. i even remember writing this with the thoughts of suicide in my head. i never wrote it down, but i remember now looking back, what i had planned on doing if papo didnt show up and soon.

November 15, 1986

still crazy - am
near sick over the whale thing - pd racli $350 -

November 10-14, 1985


on the 14th:

johnny flower street
back to jersey
papo stayed out
got crazy

November 7, 1986

moved back into the bullpen
applied for Flex Credit $1k line

lost bag

i lost my precious black leather bag
no doubt in the rawhide. but it tore me to pieces.

Novem ber 6, 1986

pictures at matar (?)
opened checking account
at Manufacturers Hanover Trust

i remember opening the account, they gave me a credit card which was a mistake. i had no intention of doing what's right and pay off the card. in fact, i went into more debt than i care to admit.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

May 27, 2006

today, i'm getting caught up in the diary mention, got 1986 pertin'er in, and that's a task and a half. the memories going thru that were astounding. but i need to take a break.

October 31, 1986

i had nothing to write for october 31, since it is a blank page in the original diary. there's S&C on the other side of halloween, so it must not have been a big deal. usually halloween and new years, and my birthday, are the hollidays i hold close to my heart to enjoy. events can pretty much be timed to this moll in timespace to where my heart/mind ends up.

but back to the topic of the day: papo.

PAPO was a kid i met in jersey city, er rather weehawken it was.. ya, the bar is in weehawken, charlies? stanley's it was. i'm having problems seeing things here. shit, i'm in the mood to tell a story too.

November 5, 1986

S&C 1/2 day
vegas appt w/papo

this was his attorney's meeting re: some charge he had before he met me. i only stayed at sullivan & cromwell, cushy sullivan & cromwell, for the morning, and placed papo ahead of S&C was a reall dumb thing to do. but there were many more of these 'days' where i would be jus stupid crazy over papo.

lemme find some pot and maybe i can sit here and go into papo here.

November 3, 1986


October 30, 1986


and there's no entry for tomorrow, halloween.

October 29, 1986

went to city peggy sue got married -
great -

my guess here is that i was so livid taht i was going to just erase his name from my memomry banks. i had the ability to do this. and i stillll do to some extent. but i could completely erase all thing *. it would only bother me in that i had gaps in my timeline. .... so as i sit here with a joint in one hand, and trying to type in the other hand (care to guess which is which?) sip water and turn the pages of the diary and get it so the fan that's basically right in my face, i find it difficult to return to the idea. interrups the flow.

October 27, 1986


obviously it hadn't intruded into work yet, or has it? keep tuned for the answer.

October 28, 1986

"something special"


translated: i'm out on a date with papo and we're going out to eat, and drink. obviously something happened because of the entry the next day.

October 24, 1986

1/2 day - home sick


this was how papo affected me. i would be so distraut over knowing where he was, that i would be capable of vomiting getting that sick.i never, but still.. came extremely close

October 25 & 26, 27, 1986

these days are blank. i'd have to really try to remember this one. there's no telling WHAT could be entrenched in that camouflage hiding its darkest secrets, only God knows what truly went on in this timeframe.

October 23, 1986

home sick --
very serious

papo came back
from where,
i dont know


and i dont think i ever found out.
these trips i'm on when i'm without him, or knowing that i am unable to control who he sees, and what he does, got me wrecked like a school-girl-first-time-crush. serious isn't the word for it. it was more like a resounding latched on for dear life relationships. we were never formally introduced as mr & mrs, if you will.... none of our friends thought we were anything more than a trick in the night. the the type where you leave some money on the table, and wink as you head for the door. those are the types that can really get away you if your leash isnt as taught as it should be. and i'm not sayin anything about leashes... they come in fabulous colors now don't ya know. anyway, got way off topic here.... back up.

October 22, 1986

home sick -
love sick -

horoscope says to
let it ride out

yeah, right. this being the 2nd time i've falling in LUV and freekd whenever he even so much as lOOK at another man... so yea. papo papo papopapo papo pooao po ao oap oap ao p pao papo papo lap papo apop papo papo papo papo papo papo papo there ya go papo. da da da DAT

October 21, 1986


again - papo (see what did i tell ya)
stayed out

fred somehow got all his stuff out

fred was this guy that latched on to me in jersey, and i couldnt think of a better way of making it clear to him that i wanted him out. than to play these sissified games papo would teach me. I think i was pretty much alone in this manner. i didnt know spanish - still dont.

October 20, 1986

citibank --

papo stayd out

the FIRST in many times he would do this. this was the night it was clearly a heart ripper. for some reason it was more about who he was doing it with that got me so twisted.. and gurl, lemmme tell youuu about the times he would get me bent outta shape. to the point of being downdirght criminal. I'd sure luve to sit here and talk about papo, and his name is so hard to type anyway,ya i shuld talk about paopo. over the next few pages. :)

October 17, 1986

accepted post @ S&c
ofer - $23K
start date is 11/3
citibank - 1/2 day
papo showed up @ 8am with rest of my clothes - drunk.

oh i remember this morning. i was pissed off cuz papo went to do my laundry YESTERDAY. anyway, it was the first a a number of fights i was totally innocent of doing anything to warrant the late clothes trip. i'll have to figure out a nice night when i can just write about papo. like i said, he could be a whole chapter. hell, he could be the whole fukin book.

October 16, 1986

F/U #2 -= Bigtime

movie w/lovetta


hmmm.... i wish i knew what THIS was all about.

October 15, 1986

offer from S&C

F/U #1 papo



papo has already made a fuck up with me, so the relationship has already taken on a tone of a 10 year old marriage.

October 14, 1986


i guess i returned to citibank and was there when i met papo.

October 12, 1986

all day in bed with papo.

it was sunday, there's a holiday on monday, so far, staying in bed isn't causing any damage on the job front. not yet.

October 11, 1986

movie & rawhide w/papo


the beginnings of a relationship always starts with a movie.

October 10, 1986 (MET PAPO)


"HOW" is a good question
50C - tom
40C - 48th/park

papo, aye poppie!!!!!


this was the day i met papo. ooooh the stories i can tell you about him. and hence a new chapter is born.

October 6 - 9, 1986

loeber landau (SUC)
at 250 park

the interview went great

i remember getting all dressed up for this interview. and i remember passing it with flying colors. continued to work at citibank for a while... i'll know when that switch came about but i continued at citibank through 10/29, after that i went to S&C fulltime employee (not temp). but there's some dirt to sift through this last week at citibank.

September 27 - October 3, 1986


on the 3rd: loaned fred $50

September 26, 1986

tom lloyd

got a raise
Hee Ho --

have NO idea what happened here. that i got a raise? musta meant that i got a good report back from citibank on my performance.

July 9 - September 2, 1986


what a summer that was to be working at sullivan and cromwell in the bullpen. a memrable summer at that, being able to go to a baseball game with these young lawyers. it was a treat.

Friday, May 19, 2006

September 25, 1986


shirtley got fired

i can't really recall shirley, but she must have been amusing as i remember going to cocktails and dinner that night.

September 24, 1986


collected & calm
but most of all --- cool

called fred -- gave him keys

i think fred was who i liked of that threesom in jersey city walk. him and victor were a pair, until i came along. but i let fred stay with me. he didnt rip me off so that was nice. i hope i've got more entries about fred. i wouldn't mind remembering more about him.

September 22, 1986


"sex without Talk"
not even a word

i always said, my favorite words during sex as "shhhhhh"

September 18, 1986


interview w/katz @ S&C 9:30

finally paid racli in full.

this was my permanent job interview with sullivlan & cromwell. i did get hired by them, but had to get mixed up with some personal shit and got fired. all over a trik named papo. i met him and lost everything.

September 17, 1986


off for the afternoon

jim sharp
301 w 45th
315.5714 >>> T&C interior design

September 13, 1986

tomita concert - exceptional@!

answering machine to racli


ahhhh, this was the time i lived on fulton street. racli was my landlord - just got off the boat from italy. heavy accent and all, she was kinda nice. had a fabulous son i luved to gawk at. anyway, i think i stayed in that apt for 6 months or more.

the tomita concert was down in battery park, and was the most fantastic thing i have ever experienced. there was laser shows and sound that couldnt be beat. it was just a fabulous experience. i wonder if there's anything about it on the net.

oh wow, there's a lot more than i thought:

September 12, 1986

citibank (been there all week)

brought frank mcguinty home.


frank mcguinty was a lawyer that worked for the same law firm (seargent ahearn & van heemstra) as i did and was instrumental in manny (my roommate at the time - and a whole'nother chapter's worth of tales) getting his record contract. what puzzles me is the entry for a half a gram of coke.

September 5, 1986

399 park
17th flr
lavetta murrayu
9-5 15

it turnd out ok; returning next week. pasted a clip of my horoscope entry for that day:

CANCER: keep your cool even if others panic. a deliverate manner helps you gain control of the situation. a long-term romantic involvement will work out better than you thought possible.

did i know victor THAT well??

September 4, 1986

home w/hustler after bveing arrested in lower level of PABT - disorderly conduct
lost hat and undlershirt - out walking to JC
30 R

met victor & fred & rich & debbie

i remember some about this event. it was a night of very heavy partying where i got into the city and got quite drunk. headed homne and somehow got sidetracked by some boy, and went to intice him to play, and somehow got arrested for disorderly conduct. got busted blowing this kid behind some cars on the parking ramp.

but the 3 i met walking around in the park on the jersey side later that afternoon on one of my marathon walks with the walkman and pot and beer (those are famous and will be spelled out over time through these entries). but these characters were just as bad as the scum i ran around with on 42nd street. they were just jersey scum who didnt have to catch a ride back to the city. i think became better friens with victor if memory serves me right.

September 3, 1986

home w/tony
out to ny
what happened?

i really have no clue as to what happened. no doubt i had fun. just look at tomorrow's entry.

September 2, 1986

1350 6th ave / 55th
26th floor
9:30 - 5:30

xerox 860
kimi cunningham

o/n at carmine's

i sure wish i could remember who carmine is. the name is familiar, but i cant put a face to it. oh well. i do remember working at mgm. even if it was for only one day, i was then able to say without lying that i worked at MGM... in fact, it lasted for more than 1 day too.

August 1, 1986

"straight from the chip"

S&C 5.5

again, the zulu indicator

July 9, 1986


"who is it?"

S&C 7.5

the zulu time is when i mark down things that flew by me and i happened to grab it. where this went is your guess as good as mine.

July 7, 1986

S&C (sullivan & cromwell) - 7.75
pd tony $20 (60 bal)
$150 deferred at contemp

my time at sullivan & cromwell was a real trip. i'll have to delve more into it when i get some grass. the stories i could tell involving sullivan & cromwell are juicy and ripe for scandalous adjectives.

July 5, 1986

just hung out
went to stanleys'got $10.50 back from
deposit from indians.

31 COH

stanleys was this bar on the corner from where i lived. spent a lot of time in there. it was an irish pub, but catered to puerto ricans and cubans who were dominant in the neighborhood of the borderline betweeen jersey city & weehawken. i spent a lot of time in stanleys, spent a lot of money is what i did. but i always had a decent time there. whether it be chattin with the locals, or playing pool with the homeys. picked up a lot of meat outta that bar. goes to show ya, straight bars are really better stacked when looking for men.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

July 4, 1986

into red hook - bed-stuy; tony's mother is really something else. came back to jersey and watched the fireworks with tony, elaine, nida & her daughter of two. oh well. gave tony $20 ($80 bal) out to stanley's. met jim, ron, john, some 'nice' guys.

i remember going into redhook and kinda meeting his mother. i remember coming back to jersey and him spending the night. i almost could have had it when we woke up, as i saw a boner in his underwear - he wouldn't sleep nude). the thought of this is givin me a rise.

July 3, 1986

mrs racli
2 fulton st

movedout of manny's
what an experience
tony helped, bless his soul
all came out ok - tony spent the night
lent me $100


oh i remember this one good. had to get tony to help me move out of manny's. had to break in, and we took a cab, all the way into new jersey with all my stuff. it was a real wild time in my life. tony was the kid that i had a crush on over at ideal printing. he helpd me move to new jersey. and how did i get to know about that apt on fulton? i can't remember. i do know that i lived at the hotel a few blocks away from it. so i wasnt a stranger to the area. very rican. i think later on, i come to know a guy by the name of papo. there should be a lot of memories with that, and my guess is that as we progress into the latter part of 1986, we're gonna find some hair-standing stories to tell. so what are we waiting for?

June 30, 1986

lisa payne - 30.00


June 29, 1986

parade - christopher street
borrowed 5.00 tom K. (kinsey? cant be)
great time

as with all gay day activities, i take a special likening to events on account of it being my birthday an all. i always tell folx, gotta luv it when a million people march down the middle of town on my birthday.

June 28, 1986

john (czech)

i have NO idea.

June 27, 1986



got a bottle of chivas regal from "Fans in the bullben" > home right after awards

if i tried really hard, i could probably rememeber the names of most of the 'fans'... the bullpen was where potential associate lawyers would come during their summers to get on-the-job experience wihtout really getting credit for it. they were fresh from college, and a joy to work with, most of the time. my fans however, remained true right up until the time i couldnt work there any more. cant remember what happened. maybe as we progress through this diary, i'll get an answer to that.

June 26, 1986


June 25, 1986


Monday, April 17, 2006

June 24, 1986

275 mad / 40th

bill mcginty


bill mcginty was a lawyer that worked for the lawfirm, sargeant ahearn & van heemstra, who had offices at 200 park avenue in the pan am building. this goes back to 1981, when i lived with manny at 400 west 14th. since i can't place the time/date when i lived with manny by diary, i'll have to make up for it in memories like this.

manny, man parrish, was a friend who was into doing music. he had a funky lil studio in his loft on 14th street, and we met at a bar down the street, the anvil. i think i met his roommate, and we just happened to make out when i came home with him. ANYway, it was a relationship that lasted even until now. of course we had our ups and downs, and he was going through some tough times when i had it good, but now the tables are reversed, he's sittin on top of the world, while i'm laboring for scraps. anyway, um, the memories. here's a shot:

June 23, 1986

get time sheet filled out & call in hours


dont know what the M is for. its on several pages for S&C.

June 20, 1986

9:20 - 5:30 > 7

June 19, 1986

started sullivan & cromwell

was there thru contemporary. and this wasn't the permanent thing. i think that's way down the road yet.

June 18, 1986

test contemp
sullivan & cromwell
125 broad st. 28th flr.
bobbie benitz
doreen huff

12 noon

they HIRED me too. the beginning of a long relationship with a very very old law firm. mostly doing corporate stuff. i have some fond, and some not-so-fond memories of S&C.

June 17, 1986

399 park
tom lloyd
mora kirkwood
SB - 58th st ofc


SB - jane
133 e 58th st.

SB is code for staff builders. a temp agency i had a long and very well established relationship with. even made the cover of their annual report.

June 14, 1986

lost left extended wear lens.

June 13, 1986

morgan interview
1251 7th ave / 28th
julie krutzel

that was a quick interview if i remember correctly. they didn't want someone like me working in their nice pretty offices. oh well.

June 11, 1986

louie - 212.695.5588

ken chapin o/n
h 718-624-5000 x7957
w 212-242-4200

can't say that i remember either one these guys. i just called that number and it belongs to sonic branding solutions. i have no idea who they are either. and this goes back WHEY back before the internet. ken duznt work there, so i guess i can scratch that off my list.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

June 9, 1986


went out -- again --

ideal - 800

well, i knew it was coming up, and sure enoubgh, it was right before my birthday. oh well. i had hoped to have been able to look at the parade from that location. oh well.

June 7, 1986

mike millner

5 hrs

June 6, 1986

sammy --

June 5, 1986

sam adodo
66 crosby 5D

david cornier
9-5 613-0334
212 989 1344

Peter owner
west trix
43rd 10th AVe
Jeremy mix/music

June 3, 1986


39.25 * 10

YTD: 6036.25

i cant figure out why i was keeping track of YTD monies.

May 27, 1986


40 * 10
2.25 * 15


May 20, 1986


1.25 * 15



May 13, 1986


seeee? i never got fired.

May 11, 1986

christy's graduation

called carrie re: moving to new york and carlos job

what that's all about i have NO idea. i kinda remember talking to carrie about moving to new york on a number of times. this particualr one, i can't remember.

May 8, 1986



YTD: 4387.5

i guess i didnt get fired from ideal. wow. i looked ahead, and saw some more ideal days.

May 7, 1986

it's out there
and it's coming down hard

it's still up there??

May 6, 1986

manny's birthday

how to say today?
played pool las nite

o/n @ office w/eduwardo
BUSTED ON THE COUCH by lenny (ideal)

no more keys

YTD 698.21

this was the day i got busted for sleeping, and in fact, fucking, eduardo in the office. lennie about had a fit. and he had every right to be mad. he fired me of course. oh well. it was a nice stint while it lasted. but don't be fooled. i ended up working at another printer up the street some, and again, got busted in the office one morning with my trick on the couch, naked. drugs everywhere. i'm sure that'll show up later in the diary. but i'll have to mark this date as the one i want to refer to as having experienced it.

May 5, 1986

borrowed $100 work (ideal?)

May 1, 1986

cole & dietz
4 hrs
p. werin/marta kassen

April 30, 1986

contemp --
18 13.5 C&D
16 5.5 C&D

1/2 for kelly drye

243 * 8

you figure it out.

April 29,. 1986


40*10 = 400
5.5 > 216 > 281

April 28, 1986

keepin up with the jonese
keepin up with 'em all.

April 27 1986

eva's birthday (manny's sister)
O/N w/john (john who??)

cole & dietz 13.5 hrs.
jeanie cohen

April 26, 1986

cole & dietz

April 23, 1986

contemp --
10*15/150 NYC
15*18/270 KDW

37.25 IP hrs
+75 OT last week

cont. 15.5*18

to interpret these figures:

i worked at contemporary (a temp agency), and got paid $15 per hour for 10 hours that i worked at nyc law, making that portion of my check come out to $150. then kelly drye was worth $270 in the same manner. making my check $420 for the both spaces. i can't figure out what the IP hrs is. suffice it to say i was raking in the dough. god how i wish i could make that kinda money today. tnis was a solid 20 years ago. TWENTY YEARS ago.

April 22, 1986

cole & dietz
5.5 /16
mary friday

37.25 * 10

April 20, 1986

kelley drye
15 hrs

April 19, 1986

kelley drye
745 david

April 18, 1986

out - again --
john papos

heh, i wonder if he's still there.

April 17, 1985

nyc law

April 14, 1986

day off "doctor"

out with ronnie

i dont know who ronnie is. i wish i did. dont know what the HD is about either. maybe i'll get some memory about it later.

April 15, 1986

40 * 10
5 * 15


nyc law

5 hrs contemp
liSA liberatore

i remember working at nyc law. it was down by around where i used to live on 23 thames. oh those were some fun times.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

April 13.1986

day off "doctor"

out with ronnie

i dont know ronnie.

April 12, 1986

nyc law
ideal printing

for a saturday, i must have been in real demand

April 11, 1986

cole & dietz
amy siegel
5 hrs

idea 40*10; 2*15 > 430

April 7, 1986

it floats!

cant figure out what this was about. said it twice.

April6, 1986

worked 10 hrs

it floats!

April 5, 1986

worked - 6 hours
cashed check
170 manny
out - rawhide

100C - burned on 38th
20 $
O/N -- I (?)

this was a saturday night. over night at ideal i'll bet you any amount that's what it was. i was known to use my office for a quick, in the city, place to crash when i needed such. i had a couch in my office so it was comfortable. there was even a shower in the bathroom. so the only thing that was missing from the place being a full apartment was a kitchen. hopefully i'll be getting to the time i got caught. should be coming up in a month or so.

April 4, 1986

still sick --
ronnie - 232.4030


i think what happened was i got paid even tho i called in sick. that's the only way i can interpret this.

April 3, 1986

home sick from work --
food poisoning ""


?? dont know what that was about.

April 2, 1986

went out --

R - 10
rawhide --
met the artist of 20th street - WS

April 1, 1986

got sony sport FM --
crazy eddie's - $68

March 31, 1986

open up & tell me all about it
it's my right to know

i should insert some db symbol to these quotes. maybe do QOTD or something so i can catch them all.

March 29l 1986


it's time to find
something new
and take every-
thing else in stride


March 26, 1986

finally --
both printers installed

the mac is now performing

Sunday, April 09, 2006

lookin back at it

i dont know what the dates of these events are, but these are the events and the chronology as i believe them to be true.

i remember flying into kansas city, from palm springs. it would have been a return trip to kansas city as i had friends there who ran the club baths to come pick me up at the airport. i had already been a victim of a fire arson at the hotel fire in 1977/78? coates house. ya, that's it. anyway, i had been in palm springs. and that was first started when i was living in los angeles and working at the hollywood spa. and commuting to palm springs in a limosine. so, we're heading back in time now. when i first started hollywood spa, it would have been as a result of my talking to this person long distance from my office as the cab dispatcher in iowa city. he worked some telecommunications thing... oh wait. that's not right. THAT guy lived in phoenix. remember? oh yea. phoenix. gah. that was what? after? palm springs? god this is where it gets real fuzzy. there's a whole slew of stops, that included las vegas, palm springs, los angeles, san diego. gah. oooh dubble gah.

Friday, April 07, 2006

March 23, 1986

worked 12 hours again

March 22, 1986

worked 12 hours

March 17, 1986

got mac plus @ work

when the action is fast

and reaction is slow

faster than a heartbeat


HUH? what the hell was i smoking?

March 16, 1986

worked at home


manny $100- me

$100 - ideal


i remember sucking manny into helping me enter the data for ideal. he's not a typist, so it took a lot for him to enter records much. basically it was just so i could be around him more i guess.

March 15, 1986

worked at home

March 13, 1986

lost black bag.

pool tournament @ rawhide


this was a leather bag that was really great for holding all my shit, and not being something resembling a purse. a real man's bag if you will.

March 12, 1986

on payroll @ ideal

March 10, 1986

hired at ideal.


this was a job that i really enjoyed doing. spending a lot of extra hours at work doing what i thought was a bang up job. i also fell for another employee... tony. as long as i could be in the same building, much less same office space, as him, i was happy.

March 7, 1986

42.5 hours

staff - ideal


i was still working at idea under staff builders' contact

March 6, 1986

when you owe no one

not even a dime

and it's all your own

all of the time

Saturday, February 25, 2006


Q. i was wondering what you have to say about a 50 y/o male with a viral load never above 400, but cd4 ranges of 100-200 over the last 5 years.

A. Rare, but described. It used to be referred to as "slow, low", meaning people who are infected and took a big hit early with their CD4 count, but then are stable at low counts with low viral (primarily) or undetectable viral loads. It was thought that their virus replicated at a much slower rate.
--Dr. Holodniy

so i'm a rare breed eh.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

San Francisco - Folsom Street

Saturday, February 18, 2006

August 1979

i remember this because of hurricane david, being in fort lauderdale at the time. and of course, being a hurricane of the same name i have made it more memorable than usual. but i can say i was in fort lauderdale in 1979 during that year. where i went after that i'm not sure. i'll have to meditate on it a while longer.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

itunes is choking

i'm trying to put 3600 tunes into itunes. it's choking. bad.

could this be real??

Researchers, including a BYU scientist, believe they have found a new compound that could finally kill the HIV/AIDS virus, not just slow it down as current treatments do.

And, unlike the expensive, drug cocktails 25 years of research have produced for those with the deadly virus, the compound invented by Paul D. Savage of Brigham Young University appears to hunt down and kill HIV.

Although so far limited to early test tube studies, CSA-54, one of a family of compounds called Ceragenins (or CSAs), mimics the disease-fighting characteristics of anti-microbial and anti-viral agents produced naturally by a healthy human immune system.

Under a study sponsored by Ceragenix Pharmaceuticals, Savage and his colleagues developed and synthesized the compound for Vanderbilt University's School of Medicine. In his Nashville, Tenn., laboratories, Derya Unutmaz, an associate professor of Microbiology and Immunology, tested several CSAs for their ability to kill HIV.

While issuing a cautious caveat about his early results, Unutmaz acknowledged Monday that CSAs could be the breakthrough HIV/AIDS researchers have sought for so long.